The idea of being mentally ill has a very negative connotation to it. I remember being so ashamed of having OCD when I was younger. Only a couple of people outside my family knew and I considered it "my deepest, darkest secret." I think about how I waited a whole year to tell one of my closest friends because I knew she wouldn't understand. I can only laugh at this mentality now because no one will ever truly understand. Only the people that actually have OCD will understand the struggles I have faced. One major struggle that I know a lot of people with OCD face is involving relationships. I used to think that I would never find someone that I could spend my life with. I had even given up on the idea of finding a life partner when I was as young as twelve all because I had had friends bail out on me for being "too uptight and high maintenance." Then my faith in love and companionship was restored when I started dating my now fiancé, Jake, in eighth grade.
I am so blessed to have the guy that I do. No one and I mean no one could ever support me or love me the way he does. I had time to reflect on this deeply this past Valentine's Day as I was preparing for the holiday. I was writing notes to put in Jake's dorm room and I honestly couldn't put into words everything I wanted to say. We have been through so much together. Sometimes I think we have been through more than most married couples have in the four (almost five) years we have been together. I have never known of someone so strong and compassionate.
When I think of the toughest times of my life, two things come to mind. The first being the times right before Rogers and the actual hospital stays themselves. Not only did Jake not run away in fear when I told him I had to go to mental hospital, he stuck by my side, visited me, and called me everyday. It didn't matter that we were in two different states. It didn't matter that I was in a mental hospital. It didn't matter that he had to miss prom so he could go with me for the first time the next year. It didn't matter that I missed our third year anniversary because I was away seeking OCD treatment in Wisconsin. All that mattered was that we loved each other and I needed to get better. The miles never mattered, but love did.
Now that Valentine's Day has come and gone, I am so grateful to look back and know that after all we have been through, I am more in love with Jake everyday and that he is there for me through anything. There are so many people struggling with the debilitating illness that is OCD and have no support whatsoever. I have heard my friends from the hospital say that they don't think they could ever find someone that would put up with their anxiety. I have felt that way before too. It's hard to think that you would die alone because of a disorder. But if you look hard enough, there is someone for everyone no matter how "crazy" or "high maintenance" you are. Mentally ill or not, never give up on love. It is the greatest gift. When you find the person that is worth the hardships, the distance, and the work, you will never want to go back. I am blessed to have Jake. He is my rock and I would not be where I am today without him.
I am so blessed to have the guy that I do. No one and I mean no one could ever support me or love me the way he does. I had time to reflect on this deeply this past Valentine's Day as I was preparing for the holiday. I was writing notes to put in Jake's dorm room and I honestly couldn't put into words everything I wanted to say. We have been through so much together. Sometimes I think we have been through more than most married couples have in the four (almost five) years we have been together. I have never known of someone so strong and compassionate.
When I think of the toughest times of my life, two things come to mind. The first being the times right before Rogers and the actual hospital stays themselves. Not only did Jake not run away in fear when I told him I had to go to mental hospital, he stuck by my side, visited me, and called me everyday. It didn't matter that we were in two different states. It didn't matter that I was in a mental hospital. It didn't matter that he had to miss prom so he could go with me for the first time the next year. It didn't matter that I missed our third year anniversary because I was away seeking OCD treatment in Wisconsin. All that mattered was that we loved each other and I needed to get better. The miles never mattered, but love did.
Now that Valentine's Day has come and gone, I am so grateful to look back and know that after all we have been through, I am more in love with Jake everyday and that he is there for me through anything. There are so many people struggling with the debilitating illness that is OCD and have no support whatsoever. I have heard my friends from the hospital say that they don't think they could ever find someone that would put up with their anxiety. I have felt that way before too. It's hard to think that you would die alone because of a disorder. But if you look hard enough, there is someone for everyone no matter how "crazy" or "high maintenance" you are. Mentally ill or not, never give up on love. It is the greatest gift. When you find the person that is worth the hardships, the distance, and the work, you will never want to go back. I am blessed to have Jake. He is my rock and I would not be where I am today without him.