These past few weeks have taken me on a wild ride. I have gone from feeling incredibly accomplished to feeling the lowest I have in a very long time to feeling hopeful yet again. I have spent the past several weeks playing the victim. Lying in my bed crying, feeling sorry for myself, and comparing myself to others will get me no where in this world. My journey is different from other people my age and that is something that I have to come to terms with. Instead of continuing to view my OCD as an unfair circumstance that other people don't have to experience, I am now choosing to look at it as a unique circumstance that has given me the ability to fight harder than anyone else for what I want.
This past Tuesday I sat in my bed the whole night crying, hyperventilating, and feeling horribly depressed. It didn't feel fair that I had to suffer my entire life when basic tasks like homework and chores came so easily to other people. My anxiety felt incredibly overwhelming and I couldn't come down from this heightened anxiety I was experiencing. Life felt like it was over. Two days later, I decided that night brought me no benefits. I never want to just give in to my disorder and let it control me the way it did that night. If I consciously continue to fight my OCD, it should improve, but I must always try my best to resist the urges and calm my anxiety.
My therapist and I decided that rather than giving up all hope, I am going to amp up my treatment and get me ready for college in the fall. I am determined to succeed on this new treatment plan by putting myself first always. As a people pleaser, it is very difficult for me to prioritize my mental health ahead of work, school, and other demanding tasks, but it is something that I must do from now on if I want to do well in this life. I am now meditating twice a day, going to yoga at least once a week, doing CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) with my therapist twice a week, exercising more, and keeping busy. I am no longer napping and crying to try to numb out my depression and anxiety. I am taking action for my life because I am worth it.
I deserve a happy and healthy life. I am starting this summer on the right path and I will not quit this journey. It may be a huge challenge, but nothing ever worth having came easily. It takes hard work and resilience to achieve what you want in life. For me, it will just take a little bit more to do the things that everyone else does, but that is okay. I will continue to fight no matter the challenge.
This past Tuesday I sat in my bed the whole night crying, hyperventilating, and feeling horribly depressed. It didn't feel fair that I had to suffer my entire life when basic tasks like homework and chores came so easily to other people. My anxiety felt incredibly overwhelming and I couldn't come down from this heightened anxiety I was experiencing. Life felt like it was over. Two days later, I decided that night brought me no benefits. I never want to just give in to my disorder and let it control me the way it did that night. If I consciously continue to fight my OCD, it should improve, but I must always try my best to resist the urges and calm my anxiety.
My therapist and I decided that rather than giving up all hope, I am going to amp up my treatment and get me ready for college in the fall. I am determined to succeed on this new treatment plan by putting myself first always. As a people pleaser, it is very difficult for me to prioritize my mental health ahead of work, school, and other demanding tasks, but it is something that I must do from now on if I want to do well in this life. I am now meditating twice a day, going to yoga at least once a week, doing CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) with my therapist twice a week, exercising more, and keeping busy. I am no longer napping and crying to try to numb out my depression and anxiety. I am taking action for my life because I am worth it.
I deserve a happy and healthy life. I am starting this summer on the right path and I will not quit this journey. It may be a huge challenge, but nothing ever worth having came easily. It takes hard work and resilience to achieve what you want in life. For me, it will just take a little bit more to do the things that everyone else does, but that is okay. I will continue to fight no matter the challenge.