OCD is capable of completely deceiving you. It can make you believe anything. It is the greatest liar known to humankind. The irrational thoughts that go through your head when OCD is taking over seem so real that you will do anything to make them go away even if it makes the disorder worse in the long run. I have been working so hard ever since I got home from the hospital last month to continue to break this viscous cycle of obsessions and compulsions. I have made great strides, but there is always more work to be done when it comes to OCD.
I have continued seeing my therapist one day per week and we are coming up with some terrific exposure assignments to do at home each day. I spend thirty minutes to an hour everyday on exposure work. It is the worst part of my day and sometimes it feels incredibly unfair that I have to torture myself everyday confronting my worst fears, but it will make me happier in the long run conquering these fears. I have worked on messing up different things in my room, messing up my appearance, writing worry stories (a fake story that seems real and it written in the present tense) about my dog dying, worry stories about relapsing, and leaving dirty dishes around. These may seem a bit extreme, but you need to overcorrect your ideas in order to be more relaxed and do things in a more normal way.
My depression has made itself known to me since I have returned home. There have been nights where I feel very lonely and overwhelmed. I am very busy most days and sometimes my depression makes me feel that my life isn't fair. I am working to combat these feelings by using my behavioral activation skills. Behavioral activation basically just consists of doing the exact opposite of what you want to do. Whenever I am feeling really depressed, I need to get up and do something productive or fun even though it's the last thing I want to do. By constantly working to challenge my thoughts and fears, I am continuing to get better everyday.
Treatment at home is incredibly different than treatment at the hospital. It has taken some adjusting, but I think I'm finally getting the hang of things. I am so grateful to be where I am today. It is a long journey, but it is one worth partaking in because I can either fight or I can fall.
I have continued seeing my therapist one day per week and we are coming up with some terrific exposure assignments to do at home each day. I spend thirty minutes to an hour everyday on exposure work. It is the worst part of my day and sometimes it feels incredibly unfair that I have to torture myself everyday confronting my worst fears, but it will make me happier in the long run conquering these fears. I have worked on messing up different things in my room, messing up my appearance, writing worry stories (a fake story that seems real and it written in the present tense) about my dog dying, worry stories about relapsing, and leaving dirty dishes around. These may seem a bit extreme, but you need to overcorrect your ideas in order to be more relaxed and do things in a more normal way.
My depression has made itself known to me since I have returned home. There have been nights where I feel very lonely and overwhelmed. I am very busy most days and sometimes my depression makes me feel that my life isn't fair. I am working to combat these feelings by using my behavioral activation skills. Behavioral activation basically just consists of doing the exact opposite of what you want to do. Whenever I am feeling really depressed, I need to get up and do something productive or fun even though it's the last thing I want to do. By constantly working to challenge my thoughts and fears, I am continuing to get better everyday.
Treatment at home is incredibly different than treatment at the hospital. It has taken some adjusting, but I think I'm finally getting the hang of things. I am so grateful to be where I am today. It is a long journey, but it is one worth partaking in because I can either fight or I can fall.