This past Tuesday I sat in my bed the whole night crying, hyperventilating, and feeling horribly depressed. It didn't feel fair that I had to suffer my entire life when basic tasks like homework and chores came so easily to other people. My anxiety felt incredibly overwhelming and I couldn't come down from this heightened anxiety I was experiencing. Life felt like it was over. Two days later, I decided that night brought me no benefits. I never want to just give in to my disorder and let it control me the way it did that night. If I consciously continue to fight my OCD, it should improve, but I must always try my best to resist the urges and calm my anxiety.
My therapist and I decided that rather than giving up all hope, I am going to amp up my treatment and get me ready for college in the fall. I am determined to succeed on this new treatment plan by putting myself first always. As a people pleaser, it is very difficult for me to prioritize my mental health ahead of work, school, and other demanding tasks, but it is something that I must do from now on if I want to do well in this life. I am now meditating twice a day, going to yoga at least once a week, doing CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) with my therapist twice a week, exercising more, and keeping busy. I am no longer napping and crying to try to numb out my depression and anxiety. I am taking action for my life because I am worth it.
I deserve a happy and healthy life. I am starting this summer on the right path and I will not quit this journey. It may be a huge challenge, but nothing ever worth having came easily. It takes hard work and resilience to achieve what you want in life. For me, it will just take a little bit more to do the things that everyone else does, but that is okay. I will continue to fight no matter the challenge.