These past two weeks have been a roller coaster. There have been plenty of ups and downs. I have risen and fallen, strengthened and weakened, and broken and repaired. Through all of the tough times, I continually prove to myself that I am resilient. I have the skills to get through and that's what matters.
The past few weeks I have noticed some thoughts in my head that have become more frequent. They go something like "Did I lock my car?" or "Did I remember to shut off all of the lights in the house?". They are the doubtful thoughts that so many people with OCD experience. They make you feel the urge to check for reassurance constantly. I have found myself checking more often because of the growing frequency of these thoughts. I feel the need to check everything that I question. At work, I question whether I typed in an order correctly, so I check back over the order on the screen. At home, I question whether I remembered to give water to the dog, so I check his dog bowl. These thoughts may not seem like a big deal, but when they control your mind and your actions, they become too much to handle.
In addition to these thoughts, a week ago in My Positive Psychology class, we all took turns "breaking a barrier." This means that we all broke a wooden board that had a mental goal we had for ourselves written on one side and what was stopping us from accomplishing that goal (our barrier) on the other side. On my board, I wrote "Overcome OCD" for my mental goal and "obsessions and compulsions" for my barrier. Each student had three tries to break their board in front of the whole class. It took a lot of courage for me to decide to even attempt to break my board because I had a lot of anxiety surrounding the idea. When I finally decided to go up and try it, I failed all three times. This put me in a minor state of depression for a few hours. I balled in my next class and I felt like a failure. It felt like my disorder was controlling me yet again because the only thing that stopped me from breaking the board was my anxiety. Eventually, I calmed down and realized that just because I couldn't break a board, it didn't mean I had failed at beating my disorder. It just meant I needed to practice flipping my negative thoughts about breaking the board. I have tried a few times since that day to break my board and I have yet to succeed. This just goes to show my resilience yet again. I will break that board once I start to view the event as a positive experience. It will happen in time and when that day comes I will be overjoyed.
I have had a challenging last few weeks. While my doubting thoughts have been challenging my ability to resist the urge to check lately, I am continuing to fight them. Even though certain events such as the barrier breaking haven't gone my way, I am continuing to persevere. OCD can try to make me question every single thing I do all it wants, but in the end, I will win. It can make me check until I don't believe in myself at all, but I will bounce back. I always fight because I am resilient, strong, capable, and ready for anything. Bring it on, OCD. Give me your best and I will give you my best because you don't control me anymore. You can try to dominate my life and my world, but I am stronger than you.
The past few weeks I have noticed some thoughts in my head that have become more frequent. They go something like "Did I lock my car?" or "Did I remember to shut off all of the lights in the house?". They are the doubtful thoughts that so many people with OCD experience. They make you feel the urge to check for reassurance constantly. I have found myself checking more often because of the growing frequency of these thoughts. I feel the need to check everything that I question. At work, I question whether I typed in an order correctly, so I check back over the order on the screen. At home, I question whether I remembered to give water to the dog, so I check his dog bowl. These thoughts may not seem like a big deal, but when they control your mind and your actions, they become too much to handle.
In addition to these thoughts, a week ago in My Positive Psychology class, we all took turns "breaking a barrier." This means that we all broke a wooden board that had a mental goal we had for ourselves written on one side and what was stopping us from accomplishing that goal (our barrier) on the other side. On my board, I wrote "Overcome OCD" for my mental goal and "obsessions and compulsions" for my barrier. Each student had three tries to break their board in front of the whole class. It took a lot of courage for me to decide to even attempt to break my board because I had a lot of anxiety surrounding the idea. When I finally decided to go up and try it, I failed all three times. This put me in a minor state of depression for a few hours. I balled in my next class and I felt like a failure. It felt like my disorder was controlling me yet again because the only thing that stopped me from breaking the board was my anxiety. Eventually, I calmed down and realized that just because I couldn't break a board, it didn't mean I had failed at beating my disorder. It just meant I needed to practice flipping my negative thoughts about breaking the board. I have tried a few times since that day to break my board and I have yet to succeed. This just goes to show my resilience yet again. I will break that board once I start to view the event as a positive experience. It will happen in time and when that day comes I will be overjoyed.
I have had a challenging last few weeks. While my doubting thoughts have been challenging my ability to resist the urge to check lately, I am continuing to fight them. Even though certain events such as the barrier breaking haven't gone my way, I am continuing to persevere. OCD can try to make me question every single thing I do all it wants, but in the end, I will win. It can make me check until I don't believe in myself at all, but I will bounce back. I always fight because I am resilient, strong, capable, and ready for anything. Bring it on, OCD. Give me your best and I will give you my best because you don't control me anymore. You can try to dominate my life and my world, but I am stronger than you.