I noticed this week that I couldn't breathe when I was assigned homework one day in government. It was my second class of the day that assigned homework and I didn't think I could spend over an hour on homework that night without panicking. I thought challenged and breathed through it, but I still was worried at the end of it all. I eventually calmed down, but I remained tense the rest of the day. In addition to some homework anxiety, several people have asked me over the last several days if I was okay because I seemed upset. Apparently, I've been carrying myself differently and I seem upset more often. This was helpful because it confirmed my idea that I was more stressed. So what am I doing to combat this stress? I'm still doing exposures and deep breathing and I'm even focusing on the positive aspects of my life. I am working as hard as I can. I am going to work on these issues as they come.
These issues don't mean I have failed. They don't even mean I'm slacking. It just means I have a mental health disorder that isn't curable. I will struggle with OCD for my entire life. There will be good days and there will be bad days. I may even have to go back to Rogers at some point for a two or three week booster stay (a shorter stay to reinforce old skills, learn new skills, and work on exposures). No matter where this life takes me, I will take on each challenge as it comes, do what is best for me, and fight this until the day I die. I am not a failure. I am a champion because I am continuing to fight when most people would give up. I will rise above this and I will never let OCD win.