"I can't go to school tomorrow. I can't do this anymore. Life is too hard!" These words came out of my mouth a year ago at this time. Exactly one year ago, I struggled to get out of bed in the morning, go to school, make it through an entire school day, and do homework. The first week back to school after winter break was brutal. I missed several days of school because I just couldn't do it anymore. This year was completely different. I went to school and didn't panic. Why? Because I'm constantly working on my mental health.
I learned a few things about myself over winter break. They were discoveries that will ultimately help me in my treatment for a long time to come. First of all, I realized that I hate to be in the house for more than a few hours at a time. This came as a surprise to my mom because last year at this time, I didn't ever want to leave the house or do anything because I was so depressed. Now when I'm at home and doing nothing, I feel depressed. I made this discovery after I got my wisdom teeth out and I wasn't able to do much for a few days. I experienced some pretty severe depression, but when I was finally allowed to get out of the house, I felt much better. This will help me in the future and I'm thankful I found out what I need to feel happy.
The second discovery I made about myself has to do with my exercise obsession. I constantly worry about exercising and what is too much or too little. It is a severe struggle for me to even think about exercise at times. I came across a post on Instagram by Whitney Thore, a positive body image advocate, over break that brought me so much clarity. It told me that I need to ask myself several times a day what my body needs to feel good at that moment. Instead of obsessing over burning enough calories or the number on the scale, focus on participating in behaviors that make me feel good. It could be sleep, food, exercise, meditation, etc. This method of mindful thinking has already helped me to not think of exercise in the extremes. I feel so much relief because all I have to do to be healthy is to simply do what makes my body feel good. Forget about the scale of BMI, just focus on feeling good.
I'm so thankful that I'm where I'm at today. The difference from last year to this year is immense. I'm so happy with my life. I've been home from Rogers for more than six months now and I'm so excited that things are going as well as they are. Life is hard sometimes, but I'm still fighting because a happy life (the one I'm living right now) is worth fighting for.
I learned a few things about myself over winter break. They were discoveries that will ultimately help me in my treatment for a long time to come. First of all, I realized that I hate to be in the house for more than a few hours at a time. This came as a surprise to my mom because last year at this time, I didn't ever want to leave the house or do anything because I was so depressed. Now when I'm at home and doing nothing, I feel depressed. I made this discovery after I got my wisdom teeth out and I wasn't able to do much for a few days. I experienced some pretty severe depression, but when I was finally allowed to get out of the house, I felt much better. This will help me in the future and I'm thankful I found out what I need to feel happy.
The second discovery I made about myself has to do with my exercise obsession. I constantly worry about exercising and what is too much or too little. It is a severe struggle for me to even think about exercise at times. I came across a post on Instagram by Whitney Thore, a positive body image advocate, over break that brought me so much clarity. It told me that I need to ask myself several times a day what my body needs to feel good at that moment. Instead of obsessing over burning enough calories or the number on the scale, focus on participating in behaviors that make me feel good. It could be sleep, food, exercise, meditation, etc. This method of mindful thinking has already helped me to not think of exercise in the extremes. I feel so much relief because all I have to do to be healthy is to simply do what makes my body feel good. Forget about the scale of BMI, just focus on feeling good.
I'm so thankful that I'm where I'm at today. The difference from last year to this year is immense. I'm so happy with my life. I've been home from Rogers for more than six months now and I'm so excited that things are going as well as they are. Life is hard sometimes, but I'm still fighting because a happy life (the one I'm living right now) is worth fighting for.